12.38am now. what a nice time to blog. hmm, i just know i have to blog today.
blame it on my curiousity, and now i found out things which i shouldnt have. or rather, i should have but i do not want to know. this always happens, finding out things which do not concern me but have an impact on me. blahblah. i sound so incoherent. whatever, something happened today which made me realise that it is not that perfect anymore. afterall, it has already happened and although everything could be put off by a smile, yar, i just cant sense the "perfect-ness" anymore. for some reason, i was a lousy person today. could not control my emotions that well today as compared to other days. im not someone with high EQ. maybe all along, i thought everything was what i can see, not expecting that there might be something which is happening behind all that smile. i seriously dont know. but given the kind of situation we are caught in now, i cant expect anything anymore. this feeling has been with me for quite a long time, it just comes and goes. i cant say for sure that my feeling is true, but all i know that this feeling will be gone after today, after i finished typing this post. well well, i shouldnt have told anyone, i always feel so weird when we were together, including today. pictures!! yes, i wanted so much to do something today, but something seemed to be holding me back. and i let that chance slip away again, not once but twice. guess it will be something you will never ever know. my biggest secret ever. thanks for everything cause after today, things will just change.
i feel so much better now, even if no one understands whatever im writing above. im the only one who does!! HAHA. =)
i feel sleepy, shall end everything with a nice song.
back at one.